I bet he comes in French.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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