Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
