She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
