Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
