hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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