never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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