Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
