I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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