This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Found your dick twin last night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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