Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
