But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
