I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
