You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
