Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
