So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
