make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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