you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
