I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
