there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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