I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
