Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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