Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
