So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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