in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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