New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
