in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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