ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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