Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize