And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
