dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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