How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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