I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
