Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize