Christians are straight up FREAKS
well most of my day revolves around power hour
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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