Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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