why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
