i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
