dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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