Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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