i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We got so high we made milksteak
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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