Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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