why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
