ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
