So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
not ubering you a puppy
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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