I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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