I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
