if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
