i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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