those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
