just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
