Are we in a gay sports bar?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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