$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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