yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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