"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize