Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
