I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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