everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i dont even know how to be here
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Even my vagina gasped.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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