so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
