she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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