Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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