Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
