the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
