Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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