where am i from again
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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