The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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