he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
