Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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