so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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