I need help removing her.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize