when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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