I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
