I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
