Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
